As a big fan of Warren Zevon, I love his song, "Lawyers, Guns and Money," among many others. He inspired me to write my own poem about lawyers, but similar poems could easily be written about other professionals.
Beemers, Condos, and Yachts
My neighbor got a lawyer, and
He told me he would sue,
But I did nothing wrong, and so
I got a lawyer, too.
My lawyer got a hearing, and
The judge dismissed the case.
My lawyer's got a Beemer now
Parked right out front his place.
Somebody stole my money, and
My lawyer made him pay.
I never saw a nickel, but
His yacht now sails the bay.
My lawyer sails his yacht around,
But never goes to sea.
To show me his esteem and thanks
He named it after me.
I got myself in trouble once,
And ended up in jail.
My lawyer took my case so he
Could send his kid to Yale.
He got for me probation, and
A formal reprimand.
I sold my house to pay him, now
His condo's on the Strand.
I lost my job the other day.
My wife left with the kids.
I'm living in a shelter, so
I guess I've hit the skids.
When thinking of my lawyer now
I have some evil thoughts,
Just knowing that my money went
For condos, cars, and yachts.
John M. Campbell
2001
Click here for my previous poem, A Bit of Tomfoolery